Recently I wrote a post critical of certain birthday party choices that different parents make for their children. Having celebrated the birthday of my own child yesterday, I’ve got birthdays on the brain, and who among us doesn’t want to delight our child on this most special of days? Yet sometimes I feel that the way we celebrate our kids’ birthdays pales in comparison to the extravaganzas the kids attend in honor of their friends. With three children, I’ve seen a lot of different birthday parties.
Several people commented on my post, and gave their points of view, which I appreciated.
But later I worried that some parents might have read that post, which would almost certainly read judgemental despite my protestation to the contrary. I clearly am opinionated – who am I kidding? But do I want to hurt people’s feelings? No. I’m a sensitive soul myself, easily wounded by strong opinions of others at times.
So I pulled that post; hit delete. I haven’t changed my mind about certain things being given to kids as being overindulgent but I think I’d simply reached my own personal tipping point when I sat down and dashed off the original post. As the parent of two middle schoolers I’m now in a different realm where materialism is becoming more important to kids, and here is where I’ll stay for a good many years, I suspect. Their friends will have many things that my children won’t, and it might not simply be a matter of can we afford it? Just because a friend has this, that or the other, doesn’t mean that my kids will. And my kids will have things, or be allowed to do things that another set of children won’t. In finding my blogging “voice” I don’t want it to become critical of others and their choices that are not that important in the general scheme of things. I regret the post because it was rather obvious and if the subjects did happen to read it, I’d honestly feel badly about that. While it’s true that I don’t agree with some styles of birthday parties that parents throw for their kids, is it necessary to vent my feelings about materialism in a public place where someone might (think they) recognize their own selves? Now I believe it’s the kind of thing to be discussed in private, with my own family, if I feel a need to vent or pontificate about the choices that other people make.
So, it’s gone. And with it, a blogging lesson learned.
So tomorrow, let’s go back to the beach, shall we?
It's very hard to balance opinion & judgment for me, too. That's why I have the "disclaimer" on my blog 🙂
I didn't feel the post crossed the line, but I can see how someone could take offense if the scenario hit close to home. Most that read it surely understood your point… about providing what's really important, about raising a grounded child these days.
Don't worry your pretty head, go out in the sun & sing 🙂
it's a tough balance, sometimes I want to write a post about political views but I don't want to shut anyone out who feels the opposing view. Alternatively when someone puts a post on Facebook voting thumbs up or down on Obama's performance I giggle b/c now I know where they stand – anyway i totally get you on this. It was still an interesting story on how "big" birthday's have gotten. Maybe you could rewrite it from that point of view.
I read your post and wanted to comment that I felt the same way. I got swamped at work and then was never able to post it. I guess it is hard to put real events out there if you think people you know read your blog. It is fun that your kids got to enjoy the expensive party. But luckily as they get older in middle school (I have 2 there now too) they learn more about what they are glad to have and how not is all it may seem to be in some homes.
About material stuff and gadgets…we feel very strongly in our house that my kids do not need cell phones yet, NOR do they need Facebook or an email address. very damaging things can happen when kids chit chat online or even on a forum without an email account. It is amazing to me how young kids have email addresses and stuff. We had one dad say to us, "That is good" but he lets his kid have one even though the dad sees it is not a good thing.
More later, and I enjoy your posts!