"I Am Too A Camera," iPhone Protests

“Not really,” she said, “I mean, you’ll do in a pinch, but where’s the functionality?”

“Have you seen these pictures?” iPhone retorted.

“Seen them? I took them,” she explained.

“And yes, I’ll give you that from time to time you do good work,” she continued, “But I have to hold you very steady. And the light has to be just right. If anyone or anything moves, forget it. You blur. The images are not sharp in low light.”

“Hmph,” iPhone gave her its back.

“Oh come on,” she said, “Don’t play like that. I use you; I took you to the beach tonight, didn’t i?”

iPhone gave her the silent treatment.

“Please,” she said, keeping her voice even, “you’re a phone, really. They don’t call you iCamera, do they?”

“And you don’t even have a macro function,” she muttered just loud enough for iPhone to hear.

“Fine!” iPhone yelled, “I dare you to post the pictures you took tonight! They are really good! I’m as good as any camera buried inside a phone and if I were free, I could be even better! Go ahead and post them and see if anyone likes them.” iPhone was breathing heavy, righteous with indignation and hurt feelings. “You’ve only taken hundreds and hundreds of pictures with me since we’ve met. That’s more than most people take in a year.” iPhone tried hard not to cry.

“All right, okay, calm down,” she gave in, “it’s not that I don’t like you, I do. I just miss having a real camera-“

“I am a real camera,” iPhone interrupted angrily now.

“Look. You’re a camera, okay? What I mean is…I miss my camera. I miss my Canon, with its lenses. I haven’t used that one since digital photography took over. Then the little point-and-shoot, the Elph. It was a fine little camera, but it broke down, ” she spoke carefully, wanting to explain, and soothe iPhone’s feelings, but also to establish some photographic boundaries for the future. iPhone needed to understand where it stood in the overall scheme of cameras. Just because it was her primary camera at the moment didn’t mean it’d be that way forever. At least…she hoped not.

“You do take better pictures than I thought you would,” she admitted, “and with the fun apps I’ve added, it’s true that I’ve had a good time manipulating the images.”

iPhone was listening, she could tell. Quietly, still licking its wounds.

“I want you to know that I’ll always appreciate you. I’ll keep you in my purse for everyday picture-taking,” she tried to sound upbeat. “You’ll come shopping with me and will take pictures of me trying on clothes so I can see what I really look like – haven’t we had fun doing that? And, yes,” she began to speak faster as she sensed iPhone becoming impatient with her little speech, “…yes, I will still take you to the beach. I promise. But you have to understand that if I do get a camera – no, okay, sorry, another camera, that I’ll want to spend time with it, and go out photographing, and you’ll come, you will, but honestly, you’ll be coming along as my phone then, and not as my camera,” she finished, finally, and exhaled.

“Just so we’re clear,” she added.

“Fine,” said iPhone resignedly, “just shut up and post the pictures, then, will you?”